206 – The Hypocrite Values of Parents According to Harvard
Do kids really listen when parents preach values? Or is "monkey see, monkey do" the only real rule?
Today we explore whether children actually listen when we lecture about values, or if they’re only taking note when they watch our behavior. As our example we begin with Carl Jung’s early childhood, and the way he watched his pastor father preaching about faith in God and belief, while privately drowning in doubt. That early contradiction became Jung’s first lesson in psychology: kids don’t absorb what parents teach, they absorb what parents live.
From there we unpack how value-mismatch often shapes childhood development. We share personal stories about growing up with parents who preached education, charity, and stability while modeling anxiety, inconsistency, and financial chaos. We also talk about what it does to a child when praise is conditional, when criticism is constant, and when adults create homes that contrast the values they espouse, and how that disconnect quietly trains rebellion and burnout.
Finally, we move into modern psychology, talking about the Harvard research that revealed what children actually believe about their parent’s so-called “values;” that the adults in their lives care more about achievement than fairness, forgiveness, or equality. That children aren’t confused by mixed messages, they’re actually reading into their parents’ priorities very clearly. That is: grades and status get rewarded. Compassion is optional.
Links: